Tinuola Susanna – Heart Tales


Hello lovely people, I’m Tinuola Susanna, a multi-talented young lady, majorly into diverse forms of creativity, like photography (StadeOlu Photography), designing, writing etc. I have a topnotch relationship blog (YouAndRelationships), where I give tips on relationships, especially for youths, based on people’s experiences and their thoughts on relationship issues. My column on Champions’ Meal Blog is themed: ‘Heart Tales’. Heart Tales consists of fictional stories and poems of reality – the pain kept in by some beautiful hearts, it shares both the sorrows and joy. This might describe your present situation, but it’s with an aim of letting you see the mistakes and learning from them.

May your relationship, marriage and thoughts receive a positive turn around as you read the HEART TALES, featured thrice weekly (Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Friday’s).

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FLATMATES (2)

Remember Tinuola’s article – Flatmates? Remember also we mentioned there’ll be a part 2? Well, here it is. Enjoy. (See Flatmates (1) here).

…We act like all is well outside but deep within the house, our home is on fire. However, one question goes on and on in my mind “Where did I get it wrong?” Only if I could get an answer.

ArguingMy mind still stuck on the question “where did I get it wrong?”, yet no answer. I dare not tell anyone that we have a problem dealing with each other; it would be hell on earth for me. I continued living married-single – days & nights passed by and I was all alone. Some nights and most times we quarrel, he sleeps in the guestroom, leaving the room to me. I’m depressed anytime I’m home alone, so I try hanging out with friends, yet I can’t get my satisfaction as a woman from doing all this. I can’t go out of my matrimonial home to fulfill my desires, because I hold a respectable position in church; that’ll be a shameful thing to do, if not to myself but to God. Though temptations come, I try my best to remain faithful to this man, but all I hope is that I won’t run out of this and go wayward.

Ask Questions 3d buttonSometimes, when he is in a sober mood I put forward my one question that longs for an answer. Finally he sets out to give answers to my question. Unfortunately, I got the most painful yet truthful answer. He said he wasn’t ready to get married – he got married due to pressure from his mom. He said every time he goes home to visit his mom, this was always the constant discussion. It got to a time his mom cried and he got frustrated and had to do all he could to get the yoke off his neck. My mouth was wide open. I summoned all courage to ask all possible questions to quench my thirst of curiosity. I asked, “Then why can’t we put the issue of having an unhappy marriage on your mum? Why do we always act as a couple that is living happily ever after? He gave a sour laughter and said his mum wanted him to get married but not to get married wrongly. “She’s always wanted me to have a happy marriage, telling her all our problem would dishearten her. She was ignorant of the consequence of hertruthlies-300x201 pushing me to marry quickly.” He explained. He continued, saying, “She thought she was doing me well in taking the next step since I had all the riches and well, I also thought I could handle any woman that came my way, but it turned out to be wrong.” Before I could hold back my tears they were already dropping on my face, taking different channels. “So I’ve just been a way out of frustration from a desperate mother?” I thought to myself. “So I was in a desperate marriage?” I chuckled and cried at the same time. The most dangerous question that can make me collapse or possibly bring some light of hope popped up into my mind, but what choice do I have than to know my fate in this marriage. So I asked, “Do you still want to go on with this marriage?” My heartshock was beating like rhythms in Nigeria movies, faster with the loudest and strongest bass I’ve ever heard. He paused for a moment then said, – “Yes. If we can find a solution.” In shock and joy, another set of hot tears ran down my face. I stood up from where I was sitting and moved towards the window where he was standing. When I came close to him, he turned and behold, he too was soaked with tears. I stood still and he draws me closer and goes on his knees pleading forgiveness for all he had put me through. What other choice did I have than to forgive him? We wept almost all day on each other’s shoulder.

The Rev. John J. HunterWe looked for a trusted counselor and also went to see our pastor and explained all to him. He was shocked. He helped us through prayers and Word study and within months, my marriage was saved, secured, signed, sealed and delivered.

Divorce

Is your marriage experience a temporary setback for whatever reason? Well, it’s just temporary. You don’t give up on your spouse because of that. Don’t give up on your marriage. Nothing happens by mistake – man might have made a mistake, but God has a way of using man’s mistakes to favour people. So, Hold On, Pain End – HOPE. To those who have good marriages, don’t take it for granted and strengthen it the more.

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HOLDING ON 3

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Continuing from last edition 

…Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

accident-signThe next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: “Mr. Tan’s mother had an accident and is now in the hospital.” I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me. His face was expressionless. I looked at mother’s pale white and thin face and I couldn’t control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?

100397666-casket-burial-gettyp1.530x298Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her… I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarrelled, if… In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother’s room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don’t know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her; I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother’s death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched – he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical check-ups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them, “No, I will not”. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: “You wait a while, I will sign.” He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself “You cannot cry, you cannot cry…” my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby’s eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. “LD, are you pregnant?” Since mother’s accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: “Yes, but its ok, you can leave now.” He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated “sorry” to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can’t. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other’s heart. For me, it’s unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Divorce-large-300dpi-55561390Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don’t take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother’s room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet… This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby’s groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Next time on Heart Tales, things get better then worse… LD didn’t see this coming… Till then, don’t forget to share this with friends and families, also like and comment.

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HOLDING ON (2)

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Continuing from last edition

…During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the “all important” task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid an embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: “LD, is it because you think that mum’s cooking is not clean that’s why you chose not to eat at home?” He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as the feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: “LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?” I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes… I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

600-00845855 © Masterfile Model Release: Yes Property Release: No Model Release Couple Fighting

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so 8443138_f520furious, since mother arrived. I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have no appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home. I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: “LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor.” The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn’t hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn’t resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he didn’t know me. He has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: “Darling, I am having your baby!” and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn’t happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn’t even withstand the test of one fight?

Next time on Tinuola’s Heart Tales Column, something agonizing happens to LD at home. Till then, don’t forget to share this with friends and families, also like and comment.

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HOLDING ON

21286-H.o.p.e-Hold-On-Pain-EndsThis true story was sent to me by a friend. I was touched and thought to share it with you all as a Heart Tale. Holding on to offences might be a source of unending disaster or sadness. Please read.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby’s father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: “Lets go fetch mother”.

Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: “I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can’t eat flowers!” I smiled and said: “Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better.” Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: “Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you will get used to it”. Mother stopped saying anything.

But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: “You little fool, just don’t tell her the full price of everything would solve it.” There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children’s Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and “Bam” she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me…. I got mad and asked him: “What did I do wrong?” Hubby stared at me and said: “Can’t you just give in to her once? We couldn’t possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?” After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and there was this very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, something happened… (See 2nd edition above).

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FLATMATES

DivorceMarried for 14 years now but I have never felt married, I feel more like we are flat mates. Our quarrels are uncountable, over little things we fight. I thought marriage was for companionship, not confusion.

A pile of Christmas gifts in colorful wrapping with ribbons.

He was the best any lady would wish for – very caring, apologises at any wrong doing, buys gifts, we even go out to catch some fun. My friends were always jealous not knowing I was being fooled, I was living in a world with fantasies presented as reality. It was too late after our wedding to change a thing.

When we got married, he started keeping late nights, partying. I dare not ask a Teens keeping late nights smoke , drinksingle question about his whereabouts. I could rarely sit him down to talk about ourselves. He asks no question about what I do, so I also must not bother him with questions about what he does and how he does them. We quarrel over little things and as for me, I get angry easily. I thought I was safe when we were courting because he is always the first to apologize whether he is at fault or not, but now married, we scream at each other and argue and with that same anger he leaves the house without an “I’m sorry”.

We live in the same house but different rooms, he does not eat my food. Sometimes, I think, “Are we really married or we are just flatmates?” He cares not whether I am happy or not. I feel very insecure in this marriage and divorce has never been in my plan and he has never asked for one, but I am not happy in my marriage, all I do is manage. I dare not report him to his family or mine, if I do, I should be ready for the ‘most excellent’ beating of my life. We act like all is well outside but deep within the house, our home is on fire. However, one question goes on and on in my mind “Where did I get it wrong?” Only if I could get an answer.

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MY RESOLUTION

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Please be warned that some of the words in this article aren’t suitable for children, so readers discretion is advised. Also, this is a fictional piece, meaning both the story and characters do not relate to anyone in reality.

I’m Akin, 24  years old. I decided to share my story now because it’s a burden that I need to be free from. People have tagged me different names, like beast. Well, I care not. You won’t know me till you read my story.

I was 14 years old, handsome, slim, tall, cool-headed and innocent, when I made my resolution to destroy females’ lives, as many as possible, not by killing them (no way), but by using and dumping the, all because my life was damaged.

When I lost my mum at age 6, it was just my father and I left. He had little or no time for me. Soon, he got a househelp. She went by the name Mira and she claimed to be 24 years old. I got used to her since she was the only one that gave me all the attention I needed.

One night, my dad was out of town again on a business trip. Mira came into my room, told me to be quiet, that she just wants to do something. She pulled down my pyjamas and laid on me. I had no idea of what she was doing. She warned me not to tell my dad unless she would not be so nice to me. She did the same thing for a year and my dad knew nothing about it, until one day he came home unexpectedly and saw her repeating the same thing. He was furious! He called the police and got Mira arrested. He asked me to narrate all that happened from the day it started and I told him everything. He was utterly sad and promised to always be by my side from that moment. I was 10 when all these ended, but telling him had no positive impact on me. I became withdrawn, shy, I even failed repeatedly in school. Whenever I set my eyes on a lady, I grew in hatred for them, I was mean to all ladies. In my class, no one, both male and female moved close to me.

I was still battling with my emotion at 14 when I made that resolution. Even in SS2, I started having sex with ladies I date and afterwards, dump them. My heart became hard and I cared less, consoling myself with the excuse that they were fooled by my handsome and innocent looks. I continued with this till I got to the tertiary institution, but in year 3, my story changed and I decided to share: I met God!

There were times I felt like a beast when I’m was through with my act. I would have been far greater than I am, but my life was destroyed when I was young but for God who resurrected me. I regret my actions and I’ve had to make restitution to those I can and whenever I did, I felt relieved. This is just to share my experience and plead with parents that no matter what you do or have, create adequate time for your children.

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MY CHRISTMAS STORY – TINUOLA

Everyone celebrates Christmas. Everyone is happy that Christmas is here. Every Christmas is always memorable for me, because it tells a tale of Love, in short I fell in love during Christmas. Let me take you down on a trip on how it all happened…

It was December 25, 2002, very early in the morning, woke up so cold and weak, I could not attend the Christmas eve service because I was tired, feeling weak and cold. I decided to go out to have fun later in the day, but as I was in the middle of another trip to the dreamland, I heard a bang on the door and I knew it was my best friend-enemy. I call her that, because she makes me do things out of my will, in turn for whatever favour she had to do for me. I had no choice than to open the door for her. I felt like taking life out of her – she always has something dangerously surprising every day, although, you can be guaranteed 100% fun with her. Here she is again with her awkward bright smile telling me she wants to go to my Church for Christmas service. I explained to her my present predicament but she would not just listen. She pushed me to the bathroom and got my dress (she has nice dress sense though). There I was looking pale all dressed for church. Anyone would know it was not my intention to come to church. We got to church on time and sat together on the fourth row. I wished I could separate myself from her but she held on to my hand as if I was a bride planning to run away. Service started, part of me was in the service and the other part roaming around in thoughts like a stray dog. Service ended and I was about leaving with my whatever-I-can-call-her-bestie, when my pastor called out my name. I went over to where he was standing, putting on the fakest best smile. We exchanged pleasantries and then he introduced me to Ken saying he is a new member of the church and he stays two blocks away from my house. After that, we had a little talk about church programme schedules. After then, he decided to offer us a ride home. I was about saying no, when my enemy bumped in giving him a yes. Oh, oh, oh! Now I felt like getting a gun to blow her … off. I had to take the offer, he drove us home safely and we waved goodbye.

Later in the evening, after I took a nap and nice cold bath, I felt refreshed and decided to go out to watch a movie. All dressed up in a nice simple outfit, I heard a soft knock and there right in front of my door was Ken asking me if we could spend the evening at the cinema. I had no choice since that was my plan. We went together and watched a nice Christmas movie, which left my face gloomy. We decided to eat dinner together and we talked and talked. He has this nice sense humor, no doubt about that. He’s also coolheaded, owns a card/printing company. In short, he made my day. He took me home and we exchanged contact. Oh, that night I felt like a queen and slept like a baby.

His call woke me up the next day. He apologized for cutting short my sleep and thanked me for keeping him company yesterday. He said, “Thank God I came to your church. I thought I would not have a friend in the area, but thank God I got one and that’s you.” I was technically blushing. We talked a bit on phone.

Days and months went by and the bond grew stronger. My bestie even teased me about it, because I never thought I could feel this much love again after I broke up with my casanova boyfriend 3years ago.

December 25th, 2003 Ken invited me to his house and he offered to prepare dinner. OMG, he’s got nice cooking skills. We ate together, talked, laughed and all that, then he said he had something I needed to watch. He slot in a disk. At first, I thought it was a movie but it was a slide show of pictures we took together over the year, which featured the funny, awful, angry me etc. Tears dripped down my eyes as I remembered those moments. The last picture carried a question asking me if I would marry him. I screamed “Yes!” Like never before, I understood that feeling. I felt on top of the world. Few months later, we tied the knot and till now we are happily married, though with the hurdles, but we were blessed with two lovely kids. One of them was even born December 24th. Since 2002 I’ve always cherished Christmas because it gave birth to love.

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CHRISTMAS!!!

Free-Wallpaper-Christmas-Tree

Do we really know what Christmas is?

Even if we do, are we still celebrating Christmas as we ought to?

Christmas period has been turned into carnivals

A merry-making period.

It’s good to celebrate it, but in the right sense,

Not forgetting the reason for the season.

The reason for Christmas is for us to reflect

On the love shown to us by God through his son Jesus Christ.

Why not spend this season doing thanksgiving.

Why not reflect over the year.

Why not spread out the love.

Many started the year with us but where are they?

Many celebrated last year Christmas but are nowhere to be found.

Not because we are better off

But it’s just grace.

Many are waiting for hands of love to be stretched out to them

Why not be a channel for love this season.

With a nice word here, a cute smile there, a thankful heart everywhere.

Thanks for reading along with us on Heart Tales.

Thanks for being a contributor to the growth of Champions’ Meal.

Thanks to my friend ROC

Thanks to the Champions’ Meal crew.

We love you all

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE!

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NEW LIFE BY TINUOLA

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It was like Santa Clause came to make our awful-looking home an abode that Christmas. That very year was an unforgettable year for my family; things changed face for us.

My family lived from hand to mouth; I was definitely born with a wooden spoon. Since I was born, my life has been miserable. My dad is a hardworking farmer since he could not get a job though educated but life has not just been fair to us. My mum has no job maybe because she is uneducated, but helps in the sale of dad’s farm products. Every day, my siblings and I hawk fruit whenever we get back from school. Life has been hard.

Sometimes, when I go on hawking, I sit under a shade to rest a bitafter a long walk in the sun screaming at the top of my voice, “E wa ra osan to dun bi oyin”, meaning “come and buy oranges as sweet as honey”, in order to advertise my oranges or whatever fruit in season. I sit to think why I was born into this family, but every time I got no answer, so I went on managing life.

Every Christmas we begged for used clothes from neighbours or my rich classmates, so that we would have something old but new to us for Christmas. My parents try to make Christmas fun for us by buying N200 fish for us to eat with the concoction rice of tomatoe paste and ata gigun (grinded dried pepper) and the whole food made with palm oil. We do not hawk, for it is Christmas.

Things went like this, year after year. I advanced in age and my New Year resolution was to work hard to live a wealthy life. Another Christmas came and another approaching new year with the same resolution. We never knew Christmas would be a life changing one for us that year. After church service, my siblings and I would walk round the church, greeting older people extraordinarily, helping them with their bags and bibles to the car, so as to get Christmas tip, to help over the year. I was 17 years and poverty brought me very low. As we went on our Christmas assignment, I saw a young looking man, same age with my father, dressed casually. At first I scanned him, thinking he had nothing, but I still made up my mind to throw in my hook, maybe at least I can catch a small fish. So I ran to him prostrated very flat, wishing him merry Christmas. He helped me up from the floor and asked what my name was, I told him my “Segun”. He asked for my age and class and I told him I was 17 and in SS3. He asked for my parents and I told him they had already gone home. He then said he wanted to know my house. I called my siblings over and we followed him. He told us to enter his car. I was so surprised, because his look didn’t portray an image of a rich man. We were scared of being kidnapped and we said we would walk along while he follows us. We refused to go into the car till our pastor intervened and told us to go with him. We got home and I told my dad and mum about him. They went in to discuss while we sit at the frontage counting our Christmas gain. They all came out after few minutes and the proposal of me going to stay with the rich man was laid before me. I was happy and said yes. So he said he will come over next year to come and pick up the whole family. He went over to his car and I followed him and thanked him repeatedly. He opened his boot and brought out foodstuffs and beverages for us and handed over a sum of N40,000 to my father, my eyeballs came out. He gave me N2,000 and my siblings N1,000 each, then he left with his contact. I held on to the money so tight all night because I have never touched such money in my life, I was ready to beat up anyone who wanted to take the money from me. My family wore a new form since that day, he came over the next year, took my family with him so they could know where I would be staying. Hawking stopped, my dad bought more land for farming and my mum a shop for the sale, my siblings went to a better school, while I stayed with my angel, finished secondary school, gained admission and lived well, not as a house help but a son.

I sat to ask him one day why he chose my family and why he took me as his son. He said his wife and two boys died in a plane crash and since then he has been alone but on that faithful Christmas he decided to travel to my town to have a taste of village life and in the service he took notice of me and my siblings how we danced to the front though with nothing to give as an offering but our dance was more than enough, he said with our dance he had a reason to thank God since his family’s dismissal. I was touched and thanked my parent for telling us every morning that, thanksgiving is the best offering to be offered, a sacrifice that costs us nothing is not worth giving, our dance and words of thanks cost us our heart and energy. I grew so well that, after my studies, he handed over his business to me to manage. My family received a Christmas gift of a new life.

Help a poor this Christmas!!! Also, you might want to try thanking God in even in bad times, not for what he’s done or will do, but for who He is – that might just be your turning point. God created the entire universe in 6 days and there are 10 days left in the year, that’s more than enough for God to do the impossible for you. DON’T GIVE UP! TRUST GOD.

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LOVE CATCHES UNAWARE

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Sometimes, it amazes me how love does its thing – the one you hate becomes the one you can’t be without. Then I must say cupid is an accurate archer… One never thought it could happen this way, even the ones you just wanna bet on becomes a whole part of your life. This brought me to the realization that love can catch unaware – you might never know you’ll ever fall in love with that lady or guy, but finally it happens.

My conclusion is never close your heart to love, you never know the angle which it wants to shoot from, so be sensitive, because the arrow might come from where you least expect…

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I KNEW IT

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I knew it but I was not ready to let go, even though I knew being in a relationship with him was not God’s will. Yet, I wanted a relationship so badly, that I was ready for whatever (so I thought). I met Dapo in year 3, while he was in year 4. I thought him to be nice, although I was aware he rolled with ladies a lot, which made him technically a womanizer. He asked me out and I gave in. Now, I am a jealous type, but he cared not. It damaged my emotions but he never stopped. I then decided to work on myself – on my jealousy. I called him several times but he sometimes didn’t pick up or a lady would pick.

I got angry several times, but it changed nothing. Things went on and on, but I hoped he would change someday and love me as much as I love him. We’ve dated for 4 years and still counting. My friends have advised me to leave him that he is of no good. Yet I told them I couldn’t after 4 years.

He works in Abuja and I work in Bayelsa, I do the calling most of the time, and sometimes I travel over to spend the weekend with him, which my parents must not know of. I once travelled home and my pastor required my presence so I went on a visit to him. He told me I am wasting time on something not possible that I should stop. He said he does not know what that is but I should take heed. Well I knew what he was talking about my relationship with Dapo. And I thought “It’s been 5 years of my life in this, I can’t just give up now.”

Things went on as usual; months passed and I later discovered I was pregnant. I told him but he rejected it. However, pregnancy alone would have been better. Unfortunately, I also had Aids. I was seriously mad. I thought, “How will I handle all this? I am a big disgrace to my family. All I have been struggling for ended up with a child and a virus to nurse.”

I stayed in Bayelsa and decided not to meet my family because I was ashamed, so I lived a lonely life with my son. I can’t forgive myself because I am to blame for all that’s happened – I forced myself into a love that could never exist.

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JUST A NIGHT

Just a night destroyed my long built marriage. Just a night, I gave in to another woman. I wanted an escape from all the troubles in my marriage – a lot of disagreement.

We had one of our usual arguments when I returned from work. She complained I was cheating on her, because she called me severally and I didn’t pick up. Not that I did it intentionally, but I was in the middle of an urgent meeting. She knows the state of my work, but I don’t know why she is paranoid about me not picking up her calls.

She started nagging so I decided to leave the house. Coincidentally, my friends called that we should hangout. So I took that as an escape route, we drank and I was out of this planet earth. The only thing I could remember was, I was introduced to a lady. The next morning, I woke up in a hotel on the bed with the lady that I was introduced to. I was mad but the deed has been done. I went straight home, my wife was not home; she had gone to work and our daughters in school. I bathed and went to work.

I came back later in the evening but she said not a word. I could feel the coldness but no matter what I said, she gave no reply. This went on for days and my craving to stay away from home grew. I got Linda’s contact – the lady I had a one night stand with. I maintained this secret affair. I’ll leave my office for Linda’s place daily.

My relationship with my wife grew apart, until the day she caught me with Linda. Since then, she required a divorce of me. I am torn, I don’t want to lose my wife. I never knew that very first night I met Linda, my marriage was torn apart.

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BEYOND BEAUTIFUL FACE

My journey through life has taught me beyond what I could ever have thought I would know. Well, join me as I share my story.

I gained admission into the university. Being my first day in school, I was extremely happy at the fact that I would soon be referred to as an undergraduate, although I had to go all by myself with our illiterate driver – I had no one to follow me. I am the only child in my family and my parents are always busy minding their day-to-day business. Well, it’s no news, I’ve have been used to it. I saw this as an avenue to behave all matured and independent at 16.

np-300x177Getting to the school premises, I was wowed by the beauty of the school premises, beautiful buildings and walk paths. Well, that is just by the way. Now here I had to stand like a lost puppy looking for its mother – I didn’t know where the registration building was, so I had to start walking around with no clue on where to go. I then decided to ask around, looking for a person with a welcoming face. As I started my ‘Gulder Ultimate Search’, I saw a guy sitting all by himself so I decided to try my luck. I greeted him and he looked up with a smiling face. So I laid down my proposal, then he directed me with words. I thanked him and went my way, got my destination and did all I needed to do. As I was preparing to get back to the car, so the driver and I could get home on time, I encountered him again. Then I thanked him, but he was clueless as to what he did. I had to ask, “Don’t you recognise me?” To my shock, he told me, “I’m sorry, I can’t see”. I had to hide my shock. We then introduced ourselves by names. He said he was Kelvin, a year 3 student of physiology. After much pleasantries, we departed.

I finally resumed and met kelvin again. We became friends and I started to like him beyond his disability. He was calm and whenever I offended him he let the situation rest then later tell me. His housemaid taught me how to cook, because I never had the chance of doing that. He could tell my expressions, when I am happy and sad, he could tell my every move, he could tell me about myself more than someone that can actually see. He would drive me to studying hard and to be at the top of my game. He shared the Word with me, rightly dividing them than I could imagine. Though we had our fights, I found a friend, brother, sister, father and mother all in him – ready to give me the best advice and share his experiences with me.

We were friends for a year, then he asked if we can be more than friends, that he wants a relationship. I was shocked and didn’t reply. I later told my friend and she asked me some disturbing questions like: how would you cope with him? Are you ready to sacrifice your time taking care of him? What would people say – you, from a wealthy home with a blind man? What didn’t she ask or say. I was disturbed, but I had grown to like him beyond his disability. I knew he had more than what a normal complete person would possess. He had potentials and he had never let his disability disturb him. He topped his department and faculty. He was an orator and he drew with imagination. He even owned an art gallery – the day he took me to his gallery, I was shocked. I looked beyond his disability and all I could see was his beautiful heart. So, after considering all, I eventually gave him a ‘yes’. We courted for 4 years till I was done with school, though my parents didn’t agreed initially, but later gave their blessings. We are married with kids without any disability.

A Disability isn’t an Inability. Don’t use your disability as an excuse. Show love to those around you, give them a sense of living and the hope of a bright future. Look beyond the physical. Beautiful faces don’t last long, beautiful hearts do.

E-mail me: youandrelationships@gmail.com for your heart tales you might be willing to share.

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FRAGILE HEART

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Oh little girl with a fragile heart,

When will you love again?

When will the songs of love be heard in your abode once again?

For you have closed the door of your heart.

Many have come to knock and many will still.

When will you give love a chance again?

Your heart is filled with vengeance.

Sadness, distress from the past love that shut your door.

You are really scared of loving again.

Give love a chance.

Learn to love again.

Open your door for love to come in.

Though fragile is your heart, true love will make it strong.

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FRIENDS TURNED FOES

Bisi and I has been friends since year one in the university. We were both ‘roomies’ living off campus. We both had series of relationships, until I met whom I supposed was my last bus-stop. Akin and I started courting when I was in year 3. He was of working class and wealthy to an extent. He took care of my every need, including that of Bisi. I shared my feelings and all of Akin’s kind gesture with her. He always commended Bisi for her hospitality – whenever I was away for lectures, she cared for him like every other friend would. Things went well till my 4th year when Bisi’s attitude changed towards me – she became hostile and would usually get annoyed at every little thing I did, most of which on a regular day won’t ever get her annoyed. We now had regular series of quarrels. In our second semester she moved out of our room and packed to where I knew not. The surprising thing was, about that same period, things went awkward between I and Akin also – he rarely called or checked on me. Whenever we meet and I decide to ask him what’s wrong, he tells me, “I’ve been busy with work”. It got to a point that I had to ask if there was another lady, but he’ll reply, “NO!” emphatically, assuring me I would always be the only one. Eventually, I adapted to the situation.

Things went on and even got worse. I became worried about my all that was going between me and Akin. Bisi also distancing herself from me also got me thinking – she’d avoid me in class. So, I decided to find out what all these was and why.

user-63064146-a279-4226-835a-ad691cb31738I traced Bisi and found out where she lived. To my surprise, she lived in a flat. I knew Bisi to well to know that her parent weren’t so buoyant to rent her a flat and I knew she was is still single. This was too good to be true. So, I hired someone to follow both Akin and Bisi and I got the shocking news of my life – Bisi and Akin were already preparing for their wedding. My mind went blank when I got the news. Still trying to pull myself together, I decided to pay them both a visit on a perfect day I knew they would be together. I paid Bisi a visit at her new flat. From the door, I could hear giggling and a discussion on wedding plans. I knocked. Akin came, opened the door and all he could do was stand and stare at me. Bisi, wondering who it could be that made Akin freeze, came to see for herself and was shocked too. On seeing her, I also was shocked at her big tummy, so evident that she was pregnant. That minute, I wished I had a gun to shoot both of them, but all I could do was to stand there and look at them with hatred and tears falling from my eyes. I couldn’t move, but I eventually left with no word but with hatred for them.

nysc-coppersWe graduated, though Bisi never attended the convocation ceremony. After my service year (NYSC) I traveled abroad to settle down. As God would have it, over there, I met the man that brought happiness again to my once hating heart. Now, I’m married with two wonderful kids and we’re all doing super well. However, I still don’t know if I could forgive Bisi, although my husband, Joseph, has advised me to, but one thing is sure, both of them, especially Bisi have betrayed my trust.

Lesson learnt. Be careful of how much you share with friends about your relationships, not all friends can be trusted.

Email me – youandrelationships@gmail.com – for heart tales you might want to share.

Thanks for your time.

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DEAD EMOTIONS

I am like the living dead, for other words, a zombie. My hatred weighs more than my love, that’s even if I still have any left in me. Let me cut the preambles and go straight into my story.

I was in year 3 in the tertiary institution without a man to call my own, my friends had boyfriends of working rich class, and they go out and come back to the hostel with loads of gifts. All I do is admire those items with them. So many times, I am being teased for not having a guy, but I cared less because I knew my man is on the way.

Things went on like that until a day after lectures, I was on my way to the hostel when a car parked alongside the hostel. I kept on walking but a young man walked up to me trying to get my attention. He should have been in his 30’s, handsome, of average height though taller than me J, dark, nice hair cut etc. I did my quick scanning of him. He walked up to me, complimented my looks and said the usual thing a guy would say to a girl on the street. I snubbed him well, but deep down I liked him. Nonetheless, as a lady, you know the usual game now – playing hard to get. Well he went on pestering me day by day. He even traced my hostel room and often came with loads of gifts for months, but still with a no from me. He still won’t give up. Well later, I thought to myself what if he is the man I have been waiting for? I decided to give him a chance and we became to close within months.

Later on, he invited me to his house, which I accepted. So on this sunny Saturday afternoon, there I was sitting in a well furnished apartment situated in an estate. He welcomed me warmly, served me chilled juice, asked if he should prepare something nice to eat, that, I refused. I asked if he stays alone and he said he stays with the maid but she is on her day off. We got talking and I felt my eye lid closing, blinking within seconds and the next moment I saw myself in a hospital with my friends around me. I asked what I was doing here. They all looked at me with pitiful eyes, telling me to calm down, but I was persistent, “What’s going on here?” So I was told I was gang raped and dropped by the roadside until someone came to my rescue. I thought they were joking. Unfortunately, they weren’t. I almost cried my eyeballs out, but the deed was done.

I was later discharged and thereafter, I tried his phone but it no longer existed. I went to the same house but everywhere was as silent as a graveyard. I knocked and knocked until my hands hurt, then a next door neighbour came out, telling me the house had been vacant for a year. I felt like fainting, but I had to brace myself up. I thanked the man and started walking home. My steps clashed, tears ran down my eyes. This was a painful tale I had to accept.

Since that incident, every man that came my way, I looked at them as rapists. I harbored this great hatred for them all.

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WHAT IS LOVE?

LOVE! LOVE!! LOVE!!!

A word that flows freely in the air

Everyone says this word

But how many understand what it means?

How many understand what it takes to love?

Some say, “Love is a feeling”

Others, “Love is when your heart goes wild”

Still some others, “Love is when I and my man have fun”

“Love is when your heart skips for something”

Love is this, Love is that.

What’s Love?

If love is having fun, then where there’s no fun, there’s no love

If love is when your heart skips a bit or goes wild, what of times it doesn’t

If love is a feeling, then love comes and goes like Nigerian electricity, because feelings come and go – it’s not stable.

What is love?

Love is a way of life

Love is a choice

You either choose to love or hate

When you choose love, then you have life

When you see love as a way of life, you can’t depart from it

Love becomes constant, because it is the way you choose to live.

Love quenches the fire of hatred

Love quenches anger

Love overlooks all flaws

Love brings peace

Love brings joy

Love brings happiness

Love is a giver

Love gives you a better living.

A man without love is as good as dead.

This is love. Do you love?

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FRUSTRATED

I wished all this could be a dream I could wake up from, but sadly, it’s a reality I had to face.

I hated what marriage was all about and thought, “How do people do it, that they keep giving testimonies of how their marriage has survived 30 years and over, mine could not even stand a 10”.

We have no chance of choosing our parents or siblings but we are given the chance to choose whom we would spend the rest of our lives with. Making a mistake in this is all your fault and this I accept as my fault, because I choose the wrong man. My story began this way:

I was going to clock 30 the next year. I couldn’t go to my parents, because I would hear the same story of me bringing a husband. I woke up one morning, looking at myself in front of the mirror, and I asked myself what was wrong with me. “Am I not beautiful enough?” I thought to myself. “Few months to my 30th birthday, still with no man to call my own”, I continued. I was becoming so desperate, that I made up my mind I would go for any guy, not worrying about who he is. I just need someone and we can work out our differences.

Well to cut the story short, I finally met Bode. And though he had a very bad temper, I overlooked it and believed I could manage. I made him meet my parents, who were very happy to see him. We got married my parents spent money on my wedding. All marriage ceremonies went well. We started living together, but soon I began to curse the day we got hooked up in marriage.

Bode became my worst nightmare. He rarely came home and when he did, the house was always on fire. He would shout at me, get angry at my slightest mistake. Whenever he was angry, he broke things, beat me. He always felt he was all perfect with no error whatsoever. I had two children for him and they would cry, begging Bode to leave me anytime he beat me, but he would shout at them and lock them in their room. I was left alone to care for the kids. I complained to my parents but there was nothing they could do. Whenever he traveled on business trips, I could feel perfect peace once again.

It got to the brim the day I made a mistake of adding too much salt to the food. Spitting out the food, he ran to the kitchen. I followed him and started begging on my knees. He was so angry that he looked like someone very high on drugs. I knew I was in for another round of beating, so I ran out of the kitchen. He picked a knife and followed me. My children started begging, while I was also on my knees. In anger, he hit my eldest child with the back of the knife. Before I knew it, blood began gushing out. I screamed! I then ran to where my child was in his own blood, not caring if he would stab me. I was able to run out of the house and rush him to the hospital. Thanks to God, He saved him.

I was tired of this. Even if I could cope, I didn’t want my children to grow having with this man as father. So, I went home, packed my belongings and that of my children, withdrew all I had in my account, found a house to rent and moved in immediately.

Few months after, my parents called, wanting me to come over to see them. I went and behold I found Bode with them. He started begging me to come back, that it was all the devil’s handwork. All I could do was laugh and look at myself, thinking, “If I could be fooled once I can’t be fooled the second time”. All I did was walk out without a word. I made up my mind to walk away from him forever.

A desperate woman is blinded by her desperation – she can’t even see when danger is coming, but after the thirst of desperation has been quenched the hunger of reality comes in.

There is time for everything under the heaven.

Thanks for reading.

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PIERCED HEART

My hopes were dashed

My heart was struck

My trust was killed

I was beaten and bartered

Experiences of tears and pain

Experiences of joy mixed with sorrow.

I was duped and dumped

My waters were drained until I became a desert

A well with no water, how useless it is for the society

I became deserted and hid my beautiful body in my shell.

My heart was pierced and my love killed and buried.

What good is a pierced heart even to its owner?

A heart full of resentment and vengeance

A hopeless heart

Oh! Oh!! Oh!!! My heart, why have you been pierced?

Why did you let in the arrow?

Where can I run to?

Who will I find to help me treat my heart?

Who will mend my heart and stop the bleeding?

Shall I go to the mountains?

Shall I go into the deepest oceans?

Shall I climb the tallest trees to find you a doctor?

Shall I return to God for a brand new heart?

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THE BEAST I NEVER KNEW

Barely two months into our marriage, had I begun asking myself how I got into this whole mess? I began to make wishes of singleness, though it has never been what I wished for when I met Bobby 8 months ago. I had always wished and prayed that I would get married to him and spend the rest of my life with him. On our wedding day I felt on top of the world, I felt I was the luckiest woman on this planet earth to be getting married to the most wonderful and caring Bobby. I was deeply in love, for these months until I got the unexpected. My ever wished and longed for Bobby finds no comfort in his own home and with his wife. He started keeping late nights and leaves as early as possible in the morning, he barely eats at home. Anytime I tried talking about this pain I feel inside, it becomes a thug of war. He started staying away from home using his work as an excuse. We separated rooms. I once tried to ask him on my knees what I did wrong or I’m doing wrong, but he ended up beating me severely just 2 months of being married!!!

Things went on and on – the beating, neglection, insults and all that, until my mum came over to check on us for a week. Suddenly, I had again the same man I fell in love with – he comes home early, buy things for me, eats at home and appreciate me, the work excuse was no more there, the beating stopped and my mum had to confess that she was proud the way our marriage is going. I wished my mum would just spend the eternity with us, so that I could enjoy the bliss of marriage, but time came for her to go back to her own family, and the man I loved yesterday, when my mum was around, became the man I hate today, when she was gone.

I kept on enduring, praying, going for counselling until the day I received the shock of my life and what broke the camel’s back, I was 2 months pregnant after I was married for 5 years. I was happy and was scared at the same time that I would lose the child to the several beatings my so call husband had been giving me. However, I still stood my ground, that this might bring a change to his hostile attitude towards me. I waited patiently for him to come home, even if it meant me waiting till midnight for his arrival, but to my surprise he comes home around 3pm. So I waited for him to come in looking all beautiful. To my shock, he came in with company – a tall fair lady. I could guess she was 3 years older than me or thereabout. The lady had a pretty girl of about 6yrs. My thoughts ran wild, as to who they could be. Well, I greeted him and the lady, but she snubbed me, then I decided to take in his suit-case, when he told me to stay back that he needed to say something. I stopped and wondered what that could be, then he introduced the lady as his wife and child, that they’ve been married for 8 years. I was shocked – my hands were trembling, hot tears dropped from my eyes, I became dumb. He then he gave the bomb shell, that he needed me to go stay with my parents, telling them I only came for the weekend because his wife and child would be staying over and he needed no one to fight with her.

All I could do was stare at the 3 of them. I felt like fainting, but I summoned all courage, my legs became heavy for me to walk with as I walked in to pack all my belongings, because I had already made up my mind not to come back. I discovered that I had married a pretender and scammer. I still long for the day he would explain to me why he got married to me.

Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. You can’t afford to have a crack in your marriage. You can only prepare for marriage not prepare in marriage. Pretense is only a temporary hideout for who you truly are and this has destroyed many marriages and home. It’s better to be single than being married and wishing to be single. Carefulness is the word.

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HEART TALES

Straight from the heart I pour out my pains

Straight from the heart I pour out my past

Straight from my heart I pour out the joyful memories

Lovely times that can never be forgotten

Straight from my heart I pour out everything within me

My pot of tales overflows

Oh!!! I had gone through a lot that you can ever imagine.

Though my heart were locked up with those memories in me

But I could hear the trees, the birds, oceans, streams

And brooks saying

Tell the tales!

Tell the tales!!

Tell the tales!!!

So that others can learn

I summoned my bold spirit and began pouring it out

Until my pots were filled

I felt the lightness of heart

I felt the joy of sharing

I harbored less pain

I began telling the tales until I had nothing else to say.

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