…We act like all is well outside but deep within the house, our home is on fire. However, one question goes on and on in my mind “Where did I get it wrong?” Only if I could get an answer.
My mind still stuck on the question “where did I get it wrong?”, yet no answer. I dare not tell anyone that we have a problem dealing with each other; it would be hell on earth for me. I continued living married-single – days & nights passed by and I was all alone. Some nights and most times we quarrel, he sleeps in the guestroom, leaving the room to me. I’m depressed anytime I’m home alone, so I try hanging out with friends, yet I can’t get my satisfaction as a woman from doing all this. I can’t go out of my matrimonial home to fulfill my desires, because I hold a respectable position in church; that’ll be a shameful thing to do, if not to myself but to God. Though temptations come, I try my best to remain faithful to this man, but all I hope is that I won’t run out of this and go wayward.
Sometimes, when he is in a sober mood I put forward my one question that longs for an answer. Finally he sets out to give answers to my question. Unfortunately, I got the most painful yet truthful answer. He said he wasn’t ready to get married – he got married due to pressure from his mom. He said every time he goes home to visit his mom, this was always the constant discussion. It got to a time his mom cried and he got frustrated and had to do all he could to get the yoke off his neck. My mouth was wide open. I summoned all courage to ask all possible questions to quench my thirst of curiosity. I asked, “Then why can’t we put the issue of having an unhappy marriage on your mum? Why do we always act as a couple that is living happily ever after? He gave a sour laughter and said his mum wanted him to get married but not to get married wrongly. “She’s always wanted me to have a happy marriage, telling her all our problem would dishearten her. She was ignorant of the consequence of her pushing me to marry quickly.” He explained. He continued, saying, “She thought she was doing me well in taking the next step since I had all the riches and well, I also thought I could handle any woman that came my way, but it turned out to be wrong.” Before I could hold back my tears they were already dropping on my face, taking different channels. “So I’ve just been a way out of frustration from a desperate mother?” I thought to myself. “So I was in a desperate marriage?” I chuckled and cried at the same time. The most dangerous question that can make me collapse or possibly bring some light of hope popped up into my mind, but what choice do I have than to know my fate in this marriage. So I asked, “Do you still want to go on with this marriage?” My heart was beating like rhythms in Nigeria movies, faster with the loudest and strongest bass I’ve ever heard. He paused for a moment then said, – “Yes. If we can find a solution.” In shock and joy, another set of hot tears ran down my face. I stood up from where I was sitting and moved towards the window where he was standing. When I came close to him, he turned and behold, he too was soaked with tears. I stood still and he draws me closer and goes on his knees pleading forgiveness for all he had put me through. What other choice did I have than to forgive him? We wept almost all day on each other’s shoulder.
We looked for a trusted counselor and also went to see our pastor and explained all to him. He was shocked. He helped us through prayers and Word study and within months, my marriage was saved, secured, signed, sealed and delivered.
Is your marriage experience a temporary setback for whatever reason? Well, it’s just temporary. You don’t give up on your spouse because of that. Don’t give up on your marriage. Nothing happens by mistake – man might have made a mistake, but God has a way of using man’s mistakes to favour people. So, Hold On, Pain End – HOPE. To those who have good marriages, don’t take it for granted and strengthen it the more.
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