Barely two months into our marriage, had I begun asking myself how I got into this whole mess? I began to make wishes of singleness, though it has never been what I wished for when I met Bobby 8 months ago. I had always wished and prayed that I would get married to him and spend the rest of my life with him. On our wedding day I felt on top of the world, I felt I was the luckiest woman on this planet earth to be getting married to the most wonderful and caring Bobby. I was deeply in love, for these months until I got the unexpected. My ever wished and longed for Bobby finds no comfort in his own home and with his wife. He started keeping late nights and leaves as early as possible in the morning, he barely eats at home. Anytime I tried talking about this pain I feel inside, it becomes a thug of war. He started staying away from home using his work as an excuse. We separated rooms. I once tried to ask him on my knees what I did wrong or I’m doing wrong, but he ended up beating me severely just 2 months of being married!!!

Things went on and on – the beating, neglection, insults and all that, until my mum came over to check on us for a week. Suddenly, I had again the same man I fell in love with – he comes home early, buy things for me, eats at home and appreciate me, the work excuse was no more there, the beating stopped and my mum had to confess that she was proud the way our marriage is going. I wished my mum would just spend the eternity with us, so that I could enjoy the bliss of marriage, but time came for her to go back to her own family, and the man I loved yesterday, when my mum was around, became the man I hate today, when she was gone.

I kept on enduring, praying, going for counselling until the day I received the shock of my life and what broke the camel’s back, I was 2 months pregnant after I was married for 5 years. I was happy and was scared at the same time that I would lose the child to the several beatings my so call husband had been giving me. However, I still stood my ground, that this might bring a change to his hostile attitude towards me. I waited patiently for him to come home, even if it meant me waiting till midnight for his arrival, but to my surprise he comes home around 3pm. So I waited for him to come in looking all beautiful. To my shock, he came in with company – a tall fair lady. I could guess she was 3 years older than me or thereabout. The lady had a pretty girl of about 6yrs. My thoughts ran wild, as to who they could be. Well, I greeted him and the lady, but she snubbed me, then I decided to take in his suit-case, when he told me to stay back that he needed to say something. I stopped and wondered what that could be, then he introduced the lady as his wife and child, that they’ve been married for 8 years. I was shocked – my hands were trembling, hot tears dropped from my eyes, I became dumb. He then he gave the bomb shell, that he needed me to go stay with my parents, telling them I only came for the weekend because his wife and child would be staying over and he needed no one to fight with her.

All I could do was stare at the 3 of them. I felt like fainting, but I summoned all courage, my legs became heavy for me to walk with as I walked in to pack all my belongings, because I had already made up my mind not to come back. I discovered that I had married a pretender and scammer. I still long for the day he would explain to me why he got married to me.

Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. You can’t afford to have a crack in your marriage. You can only prepare for marriage not prepare in marriage. Pretense is only a temporary hideout for who you truly are and this has destroyed many marriages and home. It’s better to be single than being married and wishing to be single. Carefulness is the word.


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